Untitled 4 – by Andre Lalonde

PHOTO all blog posts by Andre Lalonde

I’ve never felt further away from one of my dreams until I stood right on it.

Let me back up a bit here. Early in December 2014, my friend brought me as his guest to a volunteer appreciation party. This pot-luck style party was held in the Cabaret section of this particular theatre. Free food, free booze, I couldn’t believe it. He told me that all these places have these parties for their volunteers. It’s true; you do learn something new everyday. When he told me about being a volunteer here, and at many other places, I told him I wanted in. Why? Because I get to see the shows for free. It was a good deal all around.

In December, I wrote a new poem which will be part of a five or six piece series. The idea for it came from a reccurring dream I’ve been having since the end of May 2014. I wrote other things and worked on other projects, but did always have that dream stuck in my head. When December came around, I decided it was the perfect time to get that down on paper. I really wanted it written down before the year ended.

The second time I ushered for ‘HER2’, I stood at the edge of the floor-levelled stage with a pack of programs, and made sure nobody else walked on it or touched the bags that were placed there. I smiled at guests and let them know the duration of the show including the twenty minute intermission. I knew the show now, of course, and I was happy to see it again. Standing there for an entire thirty minutes, I watched the empty seats being filled and realized, I could be seen by everyone.

There were moments at the end where I closed my eyes as I stood there again. The silence is what I loved. Standing in the empty theatre before I would collect leftover programs is when the thought occurred to me. ‘That poem is a play’. I had felt the actors move the air; I sat so close in my reserved front-row seat. I knew right there what it had to be. It had to be what the dream was. That was the show. Feel my anger, see my real failures, dedicated to all those who have tried and never succeeded. If you asked me now what I thought my chances were of getting this done, I would refer you to the opening line of this blog.

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